i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
