So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
