I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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