You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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