operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
