my vag is so smooth its legendary
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You pole danced in your parka.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize