Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
