So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
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Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
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I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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