Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
