I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
