My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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