It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
