It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
