If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
