I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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