Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
