now i know why i became what i already was.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
