did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dignity is for republicans.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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