If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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