i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I did not marry a roomba.
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