Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
