I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
