I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
