I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
