I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
