when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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