Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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