I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
