After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
