dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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