She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
