3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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