So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
