That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
