Who did Billy Mays play for?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
