He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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