I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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