I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I want to make a zoo with you.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish you could order shots online.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
