dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
