You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
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Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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