Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
