she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize