He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
