Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
