Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
