Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
