I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
