It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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