highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
