i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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