She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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