i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
