I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
