So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
