people are starting to question the shark bite story
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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