we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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