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1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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