I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
